It's the end of the world as we know it...

And I feel fine.

Ahhh... Thank you REM for such a perfect tune. But seriously...

I was watching the news last night (on accident- I hate watching it unless it's local or documentary type stuff on world issues- otherwise they talk too fast and use all their vocabulary words at once and give me a headache.) and they were discussing what this 200-something decade would be called. The auts? The nauts? The naughties? (yikes). No one really has made this decision yet and so, although it is a small issue, it goes un-resolved. But despite the fact that no one know what to call this last decade, it's fairly unanimous as to what this decade will be remembered for.

Things like the Y2K scare, 9/11, the iPod, Blogging, the GPS craze, social networking sites (mainly Facebook!- shout out), the economic crisis, the 70's & 80's Fashion Revival, the War on Terrorism, the Starbucks trend, the first minority President of the United States, texting, skinny jeans (for boys and girls!), Googling, the rise and fall of Reality TV shows, Wiis, (the development of our kindergarten-sounding vocabulary: googling, blogging, etc) and the death of pop culture icons like Heath Ledger, Anna Nichole Smith, Bernie Mac, Natasha Richardson, Michael Jackson, and Britney Murphey.

The top 10 Baby Names of the past decade are said to be:
10: Oliva & Andrew
9: Hailey & Ryan
8: Hannah & Michael
7: Kaitlyn & Joshua
6: Sophia & Jack
5: Ava & Nicholas
4: Isabella & Matthew
3: Madison & Ethan
2: Emily & Jacob
1: Emma & Aiden

I could gather all the statistics and random lists of information about this past decade, but for me... this decade has been... in a word, rough. Not bad! Just rough.

The turn of the century found me in high school struggling for an identity and wrestling with my discomfort with typical femininity. I tried a new "look"- rocking the Gyncos and velcro sneakers with band T-shirts and 8thousand plastic accessories. That didn't fit. I knew I wasn't typical, but I wasn't sure if I was still supposed to pretend to be or not. I graduated high school in 2003, still unsure of who I was but a bit more confident as to who I was to become. I went to college and excelled socially for the first time in my life, to my detriment. Through several moves home and back to school, I finally settled in back in my hometown to finish school and attempt to live the life I knew I wanted. I was crap at it to be honest. I wanted to have a life with healthy and open relationships with my parents and sister (and now sister's family!), and I wanted to develop healthy relationships outside my household. I wanted to love appropriately and to have friends and leaders who actually cared about me. It was a rocky start back in the homestate but eventually we (my life and I) got a rhythm all our own and started taking steps toward some semblance of a destiny.

As the decade closes tonight, I look back and realize that I'm still there. I'm still dodging flying objects and jumping hurdles in an effort to finish college (August 2010 Baby!) and keep moving forward. One of the things I've learned this decade (though I'm not sure where it would've fallen in my summary of my journey through the Aughts), is that life is not about me. It's not about having a prestigous job or making lots of money. It's not about positioning or tradition. It's not about art for art's sake either. There is so much more.

To me, life seems to be about loving. And as my dear pastor always says, loving and giving go hand in hand. You cannot love without giving. So while I believe concern for the world, both at the cubicle across from us and oceans apart from us, was stirred somewhere between 2000 and now, I'm not sure that real love has been.

'When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field.' Matthew 9:36-38

Love is what moved Jesus to action. I'm grateful that organizations like Compassion International and World Vision and Toms Shoes have gained popularity. We like having those stickers on our cars, don't we? But how much are we REALLY giving, and for what cause?

"But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you." Matthew 6:17-18

Don't give as a publicity stunt. If you do, that is all the reward you will recieve. Give out of genuine love, a compassion that compells to action. Let's make THAT our New Year's Resolution.

The great catch-up...

I skipped my monthly posts (AGAIN) at the beginning of November and December and thus here is the compiled list of wall-wisdom (from my calendar at work):

*Stand up for your high principles even if you have to stand alone.

*Read biographies of successful men and women, to translate their success more specifically.

*Take your dad bowling.

*When asked, take the time to give out-of-town visitors complete and clear directions.

*Create and maintain a peaceful home.

*Be positive.

*Become the world's most thoughtful friend.

*Pay attention to pictures of missing children.

*Be polite.

*Pare down your home and be sure everything has a place. If it doesn't have a place, you don't have the space.

*Don't live with the brakes on.

*When taking family photos, include a few routine, everyday shots. (Shout out to www.haleylambphoto.com )

*Be patient.

*Treat your parents to a dinner out on your birthday.

*Buy a flashlight for each person in your family to keep in their bedroom.

*Call three friends on Thanksgiving (or Christmas- since I'm late posting!) and tell them how thankful you are for their friendship.


---

In other news, my 5 year old nephew, Harrison, has his school's Christmas production tonight and is battling a recurring case of stage fright. Our best ideas thus far on how to convince him to perform confidently include: Keep a paperclip in your pocket to grip and focus on holding it tight, Pretend all the people in the audience are in their pajamas, practice at home in front of your stuffed animals and take some to hold up in the audience. Any ideas people? He's the life of the party off-stage, but on-stage he's a BabyGap-zombie.

Also, I have four gifts left to buy for Christmas. I think I work too hard on gift-giving. I get anxiety over the whole thing. I want gifts to be perfect. You know, to fit you excellently, to tug at a beautiful memory, to surprise you brilliantly but let's be real. Sometimes I run out of ideas. I have GREAT ideas for some people... and others... Well, I'm just not so in-tune with what would be darlingly delightful under the tree. Obviously I can't list out who I'm short on but IF I COULD- it would include 2 males and 1 female. I'm soliciting ideas at this point.

"Whatever You see in me..."

I was sitting at the piano in my living room a while back, remembering a "holy moment" from a prayer service that we did at my church, specifically for the youth, some months back. That night of prayer I had been helping to lead worship and in a lull between prayers and scriptures going forth and singing choruses, my hands left the keys and I sang out what my heart was crying to God. "Whatever You see in me, make it clean..." fairly simple words but they flash back into my vocabulary nearly every time I hold an instrument. And that night at the piano at home was no different. No one was home, so it was probably cell night (ha!), and I'd left the lights low and was trying to reconstruct those lines into a formalized song. It just didn't seem to be working out at all... and I felt the Lord say to me, "That was from you to me, not for albums or services... just from you to me." And with very little understanding at the time, I just began to sing out what was in my heart straight up to the Lord. I sang a lot of simple words that night... but one line stands out to me so clearly: "All insecurity must bow at Your feet."

That's probably the one thing I battle the most in my life. Insecurity. As a woman, a musician, a writer, a student, an adult, a person who weighs more than 120 lbs... I'm very aware of all of my short comings. But I never want anything ever to take precedent over or even come in as a close second, to the position that the Lord of Hosts, the King of All Days, the Great I Am, holds in my heart and life. And yet that's the very battle that I'm forced to face off with every day.

So tonight when I was again in my living room, again with dimmed lights and playing softly at the piano, I just played. Of course, that same topic spilled out over into my impromptu lyrics. I was so pleased with the direction of what I singing though so I didn't stop... No, I'm not about to post the lyrics. I'm not yet sure I'll ever share them, if I'm honest. But the whole "happening" tonight led me to this scripture:

'So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, “He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.” But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.' —Hebrews 10:35–39

I fully intent to hold to this scripture until my breath fails me. "Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded."... I needed to hear that.

I have a gut feeling there will come a day when you will too... If today's not that day, count your blessings, but go ahead and mark that scripture in your Bible for future reference.

We all fall down. We all loose our strength once in awhile.

Finding Contentment...

So I've always had this theory that less is indeed more. In marketing, it leaves mystery which is a far better draw than overloaded ads. In writing (although I haven't mastered this), it leaves a far clearer picture of your thesis than ramblings of miscellaneous details. In decorating, it leaves a cleaner feeling space than rooms with far too busy or too cluttered schemes. Anyway, you get my point.

In my life I have found this to be true as well. I know that most people are going to make a snap judgement when they hear this next sentence but, it remains true with or without the assumptions. My dad is a physician. He wasn’t always, he actually used to be in ministry when I was a kid. The transition from ministry to medicine was a long road plagued with financial need. You see when my dad was in ministry, we had very little. We were taken care of but we were not spoiled or lavished with gifts or bonuses, none of that. But as soon as my dad stood up in front of the church and announced that he was going to go to medical school, people began to talk about how much money we’d have and how easy we’d have it. I can remember thinking (I was in the second grade, mind you) that this was going to be awesome! We’d have tons of money and get to go on tons of vacations and get to play together and… well bliss really.

And then we moved, and that fall my dad started classes at the Medical College of Georgia. To be honest, I don’t remember seeing him during those years unless we were on vacation or during a holiday. My mom worked endless hours to try to help defray the cost of life with 2 kids and a student-husband, but it wasn’t ever enough. At a time when the world assumed we’d have it made, we experienced great need.

Later when my dad graduated, he took the four of us on a cruise. I felt so privileged and ritzy! But with time, the vacations remained nice, but we were back to not seeing each other save holidays and special trips. No one in the family was happy. My sister and I both went to private colleges to begin with and then, ironically are finishing here at Augusta State. We all wanted things bigger, better, faster, nicer. It got a bit ridiculous. I’m not even confident that past tense is appropriate because in a lot of ways it’s still the on-going battle.

I say all that to say this: We, as Americans, have it made. Even American homeless people, are richer by far than some of the average classed people of the world. Case in point– The Bridge Church (made up of homeless people in downtown Augusta, Georgia, gathering under the Calhoun Expressway Bridge at 15th street) has given offerings enough to plant two churches, one in Africa and one in China.

Once again I feel like I’m rambling, so I’ve found someone else who clarifies my thoughts a bit more. Christian author and speaker, Beth Moore, has this to say about contentment:

‘Christians like me can not say with the Apostle Paul that we “have learned to be content whatever the circumstances” because most of us have been less content with plenty than we were with less. Ironically, excess only increases discontentment. Why? Proverbs 13:12 offers the perfect explanation: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick”. In other words, we set our hopes on the lie that if we could only have this or that, we will be content. If we get it (or him, her, them, or there), we are astonished to realize that it still doesn’t cut it. Our hope that we’d finally be happy inevitably defers, and our hearts are left sick. At least with less, we still have the fantasy. Those with more and more attend one funeral of expectation after another…..Contentment has little to do with what we have or lack. It is a state of mind. One that is far more often learned than suddenly attained, by the way.'

Playing Catch-up to September and October...

In the switch from writing "notes" on facebook, to posting on my "big girl blog", I forgot to maintain my wisdom from the wall routine (for those of you who don't understand what I'm talking about... I usually post all the "instructional verses" from my wall calendar at work, mixed with a little of my own... Needless to say I am behind). SO.. Here we go:

For September:

Remember that everybody has bad days.
Learn to eat with chopsticks.
Support family businesses.
Carefully examine your written work when you are finished.
Have your piano tuned every six months.
Avoid automated teller machines and gas stations at night.
Remember: the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. (*And no, I didn't add this... but this always reminds me of Brad Bowen's Missions Talks)
When you see someone sitting alone on a bench, make it a point to speak to them.

For October:

Don't buy cheap picture frames.
Criticize the behavior, not the person.
Never leave fun to find fun.
Don't buy a cheap motorcycle helmet.
Own a world globe.
Go for long, hand-holding walks with your spouse.
Don't buy a cheap tennis racket.
Never ignore a ringing fire alarm.
Be sure to voice your complements to businesses and employees.
Don't force machinery.
Set personal spending limits on things like shoes, coffee, cell phones, etc.
Don't be misled, some of the most well-dressed people are thrift shoppers.

yes I am...

I'm working on a project with a friend... it's called yes I am and it's her brain/ heart child. She's a mother and wife and church staff member with little time to offer the world as far as trips to foreign lands or even typical state-side social mission projects. So out of a place of needed to fulfill that desire and answer the call of God on the life of EVERY believer (Matt 28: 18-19), she is working to develop a project of her own that can work for the working-believer with too many responsibilities to allow for 15 day missions trips to Africa and India and here and yon. I'm not sure how much exactly I'm allow to spill out directly at this time, but I know that this project needs your prayers. We're working to kind of "introduce" the whole thing at an event either late this fall (meaning Late Nov) or at some point in the winter. As we team together to make social justice for Jesus' namesake possible, let's pray that the hearts of women across the globe will be "moved with compassion" (Matt 9:36-38) and compelled to action. We Americans cannot bear the brunt of Christ's evangelistic call alone. We must inspire others in nations abroad to take up their cross as well and be the light there in the dark streets and dusty villages of their homelands.

Raising up, and supporting, local mission leaders that the unreached can relate to, may be the only way that foreigners can see Christ's image... Someone that looks like them, speaks their language, trades in their own market... It can be a powerful image.

I say all that to say, Please pray. The harvest is ripe but the laborers are few. Let's be dealers in hope even if our only resource is prayer. That is resource enough for God!

Empty Our Chests

--I wrote this song earlier this year when things were a little rough. I think I needed to just put into words the determination I knew I had to find. This is the best I could do.--

Sleepwalking while fighting with fists and heels,

We’ve been warring with eyes closed and hope tied down.

But this is the end-of-the-day dream.

We are awake, now alive.

So we empty our chests,

Of everything left.

We scream all our breath.

Scream all our breath.

We give nothing less,

Than everything left.

We scream all our breath.

Scream all our breath.

Small advances but what happened to running this race?

No longer waiting for someone else to change; rearrange.

We’re at the end of a day trip.

We are awake, now alive.

So we empty our chests,

Of everything left.

We scream all our breath.

Scream all our breath.

We give nothing less,

Than everything left.

We scream all our breath.

Scream all our breath.

We are a faithful fighting nation

Of believers that you

Have called together and we will stand.

So we empty our chests,

Of everything left.

We scream all our breath.

Scream all our breath.

We give nothing less,

Than everything left.

We scream all our breath.

Scream all our breath.

it's been too long...

It's been too long since I felt this way.

I love my little life with days that start and end with night.

I'm nothing more than what I am and finally, I am fine to be.

I still dream and stretch, and push others too.

But if my life stays quaint and small, 

My deathbed will find me with a smile.

I will have slain my dragons in closets and caverns

And bundled in old blankets amidst billowing changes.

I will have trundled up old treasures of paper and ink

And bequeathed a wealth of things pasted and mended.

I won't need a lengthy tribute or a college in my name.

And I'm sure no one will write a song that will tell of all my fame.

Because I love my little life with days that start and end with night.

Shuffling my feet through knee deep leaves and finding my way again,

I don't wish for glory or grandure, no praise or crowns, I need.

I don't crave chariots parading me, or my face a household frame.

Love is richer, friendships thicker, hands hold tighter,

When it all lies in the balance.

If it is hard for a rich man to enter the great kingdom,

Then my journeys shall find me well rewarded.

I love my little life with days that start and end with night.

Arithmetic Apology

1 and 1 became eleven
With judgement on the brink.
Forsook belief and the law i love,
And here we go again...

Sequestering soul parts into death
And letting the body count soar.
Welcomed by me only once,
Cried, then became hunted.

3, now 6, and i stopped for a blink.
Caught their eye and turned to run.
Kicked with screams but barely a little,
Only half praying for a different sum.

Shamed with damages, sorry to say,
I invited the dark but ignorantly so.
See, 1 and 1 became eleven...
Then again, maybe twelve...


(Spring 2009)

--If you can interpret this poem correctly, you get an A for the semester!--

Blood & Water

I do not love this world as if it were mine to keep

But conversely as an entrusted, neglected treasure

Damages seem insurmountable, 

Too many darkened corners with falsely fat children

Homes of clay and rock and trash clutter the scenery

Destroyed by injustice, preconceptions, and neighbor’s bullets

Infected waters or dehydration, equally agonizing burials

So great is the suffering, and so too the hope

Wounds and bruises reflect a kingdom not yet come

Smiles parade that same kingdom as one among us.

I’d rather live at spear’s end to do more than talk of and around,

Than allow idleness to squander hope for the desolate

There is so much reason to hope and to be a dealer in such.

Where are the faithful fathers?

Where are the cleaner waters?

Oh, my heavy and broken world.

Let me be an agent of mercy.

False Advertising.

Dear Self,
Please make the following vow:
I will not now, nor ever, present myself in a way that is grander than my actual life and/ or being. I commit to being only me, no matter how often that puts me in a position to be passed over for promotion, to be overlooked for consideration, or to have my opinion ignored or forgotten. I will not now, nor ever, falsely advertise or promote myself or my agenda in the hopes of gaining position, friends, satisfaction, progress, or even in the hopes of helping others. No matter how noble my cause, I vow to maintain honesty and integrity as my flagship characteristics and will not excuse the ulterior motives of others even in their pursuit of spiritual fulfillment. (That ain't chyo job!) I hold fast to the commitment that I will never harbor ulterior motives of my own or join in ownership with those ulterior motives of others, beyond the moment of revelation. I do solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

Isaiah 33:15-16 - He who walks righteously and speaks what is right, who rejects gain from extortion and keeps his hand from accepting bribes, who stops his ears against plots of murder and shuts his eyes against contemplating evil. This is the man who will dwell on the heights, whose refuge will be the mountain fortress. His bread will be supplied, and water will not fail him.

... So I probably will never be on the staff at a church... And I probably will never climb the corporate ladder... I don't have tolerance for self-promotion or bait-and-switch techniques. (*Not that I think the Staff Members of churches are into Self-Promotion, Let me be clear.) I do not have tolerance for peers, leaders, or students of mine to present themselves falsely to anyone else, including myself. It's sin. Sure, we've all done it... but it's Sin.

There are certain people that it is far more obvious with than others. There's the girl who has positioned herself precisely where she wants to be for that dream job-offer. Her reasoning, "Oh, I just know how to play my cards right I guess!" There's that volunteer that doesn't really do much when the Pastor, or Youth Pastor isn't looking, but as soon as one of the Head Haunchos step into the room, Bam! Lighting strikes and suddenly that same volunteer is asking everyone what he can do to help. His justification, "I just get distracted, but I really do want the Pastor to know my heart."

Who gave you the cards?... And how will ANYONE know your heart?

Leviticus 19:11 - "Do not steal. Do not lie. Do not deceive one another."

I feel like we (yes, we! I do this too...) get this tiny portion of the vision God has for our future and suddenly we've set to work, "facilitating," and "training for the field"... but HOLD ON A MINUTE! We've only seen 1 of the pieces of this 52 million piece puzzle that somehow has a zebra stripes in it. That doesn't mean head off to Zoology University OR that we should pack our bags and scoot off to Africa, claiming we're called to missions to the Zebras. (*Okay a bit ridiculous, but please go deeper with me.) What if we've seen that portion of the vision simply to inspire hope and continued tenacity in the last "task" we heard clearly from the Lord on.

God called me to go to college after high school. I firmly believe that. Once I started my first semester, I committed to my parents and myself that I would finish. Two semesters later, I failed out of the private liberal arts university my parents and I had decided on. So I moved home... waited till the next term and started again. This time I enrolled in a local state university, with borderline zero personality and even less people that I would know. It was HORRIBLE. I felt out of place, I only sort-of knew a few people that really didn't love being around me. I talked about how fantastic my old school was constantly... I felt like I was "painting pictures of Egypt, leaving out what it lacked. The future [felt] so hard and I [wanted to] go back" (Sarah Groves, Painting Pictures of Egypt). Do you know what happened at the end of that semester? I came away with all A's and 1 B.

I know that doesn't seem related to self-promotion and false advertising at all, but go with me. When I was away at my fancy Christian college, I was BUSY. I was constantly trying to network and catapult myself as a buzz-word around campus. I toured with a large vocal group and networked there too. I was so caught up in wanting to BE someone with prestige and fame and glory and riches... that I abandoned the task at hand. See, I had received a vision when I was younger that I know was from the Lord in reference to my future. In that vision, I was peeking out from behind a curtain in the wings of a very large stage. I saw people, tons of people, far past what I could see in the glaring stage-lights. And that's all... As a kid, I was certain this meant I was going to be a rock star! Hello? Stage, lights, tons of people, Heck YEAH! When I grew up a bit, I "spiritualized" my goal and determined that I was going to be a phenomenal worship leader.

My point is this: all I saw, were curtains, lights, and tons of faces. That could mean ANYTHING. Could I end up being a rock star, sure. God does crazy stuff, but I'm suspecting it won't be THAT crazy. Could I be a mega-worship leader? Absolutely, but again, I'm suspecting God won't be so typical. Maybe my vision meant that I would be a stagehand at an ultra-famous drama production? Or that I would stand back and be moral support for some other acclaimed musician? Perhaps that I would be speaking to hundreds of faces with some to-be-determined word of wisdom that God implanted in me? Or maybe, it wasn't a positive thing at all. Maybe God wanted me to see the potential faces that I could have reached, but didn't. Or maybe, I'd attend some crazy large conference and have to come to a critical decision in my life? Or maybe He wanted me to see the masses and be compelled into action? The thing is, we cannot accurately fill in the entirety of the picture when we only have the bottom-right corner piece of the 52 million piece puzzle; It just doesn't work that way.

How does that relate to self-promotion? Well, I genuinely believe that when we position ourselves for the ideal circumstance, we've stopped trusting God to put the picture together, and started scratching out what we THINK He was going to do. That isn't honest Christianity- that's a parade of Mr. Good Intentions justifying Mrs. Manipulative Behavior's actions. It pains me to see people I know, some very dear to my heart, setting themselves up just exactly how they think it ought to be, when all it is, is their attempt at self-protection. I know that's what it comes down to. I mean it must! They don't trust that God sets up some crazy circumstances for the unlikely to be promoted and for unexpected favor to come to the least likely candidate for the position. It hurts me also, to see leaders, Pastors, Youth Pastors, State Officials, even traditional bosses, all fall for the same deception. It feels so obvious to me that I want to go around town blasting through a loud-speaker, "So-and-So doesn't care about you or your mission! They only want the security of knowing they have a definite place and position and that you bless the work of their hands!"

Somehow I don't think that would go too terribly well.

Deuteronomy 25:15-16 - You must have accurate and honest weights and measures, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you. For the Lord your God detests anyone who does these things, anyone who deals dishonestly.

It comes to this: I think it's high time we stop excusing this sort of behavior. We can't accept that for ourselves, for our peers, for our students, or for our leaders. Each of us need the assurance of the Lord that HE is the one giving us favor and opportunity. He is the one blessing us and promoting and defending us; Not ourselves or those we've connived into being on our team. No more rallying of the troops by way of deception, no more Campaign trails with over-applied make up to cover impending wrinkles, no more playing secret defense for tomorrow while we're watching yesterday's game. We each, including myself, have got to take a stand for honesty. We MUST. Not just honesty when asked direct questions, but we must display our shortcomings, desires, visions, hinderances, concerns, passions, relationships, and our very lives honestly. It's no easy task, I know. No one particularly enjoys outing themselves when it comes to failures, but as my mom and dad have always said, "Covering it up only makes it worse. If you had told us as soon as it started or even mid-way through, we could've helped you."

Proverbs 16:8 - Better a little with righteousness than much gain with injustice.

For further examples and explanation: Re-read Genesis chapters 25-50 which holds the story of Jacob and Esau, the selling of the birthright, and the stealing of the blessing.

MadLibs on Holiday Weekends

So today we had a cookout at the Hands' house and as the women-folk were gathered around the table, a lull in the conversation struck and someone asked if we wanted to play a game. No one initially responded and slowly a "word association" game developed. It sort of grew into a game where each person added one word only, to form a group-effort sentence. Here are some of the results of our brilliant efforts:

Music makes people sick if the song is used wrong or if words written describe flower-infested a brain.

Embrace the aroma vanilla under the wooden foot stool near toilets.

Happy people live longer without knowledge of good and evil.

Cheese makes mice eat sweeter smelling things that glow from within the stomach of parasites.

Fish take stinky baths in infested oil that came from disappearing ships in Bombay.

Turbans make indians think bigger thoughts again.

Plaque grows under many peoples' teeth unless close-up is brushed with rapid fervently.

Intestines gurgle acid loudly after meals.

Hopeful ducks swim for their safety in water above murky, cloudy, ground parts of shipwrecks.

Chandeliers hang vibrantly and show hispanic culture to unknown, undiscovered pilgrims from African safaris without relentless knowledge empty from tribes.

Fuchsia happens often if left alone, combined with herbal salt, crystalized from sea water urchins, mixed on hot potato skins.

Entertaining hazards happen spontaneously, recognizing forsaken dilemmas surrounding unknown zones proceeding many obstacles feathery, moist, and glittery.

Chocolate makes spirals with cocoa, strawberries, cilantro, papaya, and mango puree.

Photos, sandals, arches, or songs project many jolly ranchers into sweet caviar.

Star-bucks makes strangers' happy taste buds dance on purpose, when catapulted singers sing joyfully, injecting hormones by smothering kisses into their faces.

ahhh... it was a delightful afternoon. Followed by shopping... amen.

(*Deep thoughts to return again another day.)

No more tossing dynamite

So I've done it. I've taken the plunge.

No, I didn't elope over the weekend... but I did officially start my big-girl blog.

Supposedly I'm supposed to have a theme or focal point to my overall writings in this blog, but unfortunately my Sanguine points are far too high for that. I do, however, feel quite strongly about social justice, passionate living, vivacious Faith, and unrestrained dreaming. So I feel like most of what I have to say (or will get to eventually) will fall into those kinds of areas, but clearly I'll be all over the board. If you know me, this is no big shock and awe. ha.

I believe in worship for worship's sake. There is an incredible message by John Piper that talks about worship being an end to itself, it may even be called that actually. Anyway, the way he explains it in his message makes it very clear that for me to manipulate worship to be anything other than worship, is selfish and I'd be missing the point. God created us to worship; to ascribe worth to Him by any means possible, in spirit and in truth. (1 Corinthians 10:31, John 4:21-24) I take this to mean that He (God) not only wants us to choose to love and honor Him, but that we are to use all our physical and spiritual gifts, dreams, strengths, weaknesses, resources and yes, even personality traits, to bring Glory to the Father. I love that. There is nothing that I touch that can't bring Glory to God.

What about winning the lost? That's a resource we all possess. Do we win the lost so that they can go win more and then THEY can go win more... ?

(If that's the only reason, it feels a bit like Amway- Global Multilevel Marketing, and I'm not really interested. Thanks anyway God... I'm not really looking for a position in retail.)

No, I believe sincerely that we are to win the lost so that they might be saved EVEN IF THEY NEVER PROVE TO BE A MULTIPLIER IN THE KINGDOM. Who cares? I mean ideally everyone that is saved would crave the experience of sharing the Gospel that rescued each of us from failure, depression, and death. But do I want sinners saved merely to promote my cause? Not a chance. I want each individual soul to be saved so that each will be rescued from pain and suffering. I want them to know the vivacious life (abundant life- John 10:10) that God desires to bless each of us with when we choose Him.

Andy Stanley says that "Followers Fish." And yes, we want to encourage them to do so (Andy Stanley rocks it again!). But the day that I look at a lost soul and see a mere pawn in my ever-growing tier of religious salesmen, I've dehumanized that person and missed the whole crux of the Gospel. If I'm seeing it that way, the salesmanship way, I'm building MY kingdom, not His. In Matthew 28 we get this instruction starting in verse 18: 

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. (19) Therefore go and make disciples of the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, (20) and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

To me, it doesn't sound like an evangelistic free for all, blitzing through towns getting conversions and leaving the churches and townspeople still clueless as to what they are to do next. No, I believe it's something a bit slower and quite a lot more sincere. "Make disciples of the nations, " He said. Look at Jesus' life. It took Him YEARS to train and develop the Twelve Disciples. Jesus had to be there through some of their failures and keep at it when one or two would want to bolt for the door. Jesus pursued these men and persisted through many of the milestones of life with these men. He was able to compel them later to do something with all the knowledge and training they had been given over the past faith-building years, because of the TIME and PATIENCE and GENTLENESS and WILLINGNESS TO LISTEN that Jesus so freely poured out for them continually.

If a leader reprimanded me constantly and berated me for my inevitable failures, or maybe ignored me all together and found justifiable reasons to give up on me as a future leader or even just a healthy and whole free-standing Christian, would I be so anxious to sign up for any mission he or she wanted desperately that I grab hold of? I'm inclined to say no. People all want the same thing: to be treated with decency (I think Brooke Fraser- Ligertwood said that). It's true though. People want to know that they matter and that they are worth trekking through mud and fire and desert for. They MUST know this, in fact, before they are in the slightest convinced that they have something to offer.

As a lay-leader in the church, I am confident that for this very reason we have so many half-hearted servants and less than brilliant efforts for the sake of our church's portion in the kingdom. People don't know that they are worth it, and for the most part, they certainly haven't had the time and life-trials alongside a genuinely loving leader long enough to be confident in their value and strength to even know that they have something grand and glorious to offer.

What is that thing to offer, anyway? The story. Christ's story. Their personal story... Time and Love.

Everyone who has accepted Christ as their personal Savior has all three of those things. And those are the three most needed things in world. Why are we not offering? Much less offering with excellence?  ...  We haven't been told that we have something worth telling, some time worth sharing, or a love that's worth the work.

Once we know these things, yes, we will be compelled to adopt that great commission ourselves. Until then are you fishing with patience and skill, or with dynamite tossed in the lake?

... But don't ask me. I'm no expert.