"Whatever You see in me..."

I was sitting at the piano in my living room a while back, remembering a "holy moment" from a prayer service that we did at my church, specifically for the youth, some months back. That night of prayer I had been helping to lead worship and in a lull between prayers and scriptures going forth and singing choruses, my hands left the keys and I sang out what my heart was crying to God. "Whatever You see in me, make it clean..." fairly simple words but they flash back into my vocabulary nearly every time I hold an instrument. And that night at the piano at home was no different. No one was home, so it was probably cell night (ha!), and I'd left the lights low and was trying to reconstruct those lines into a formalized song. It just didn't seem to be working out at all... and I felt the Lord say to me, "That was from you to me, not for albums or services... just from you to me." And with very little understanding at the time, I just began to sing out what was in my heart straight up to the Lord. I sang a lot of simple words that night... but one line stands out to me so clearly: "All insecurity must bow at Your feet."

That's probably the one thing I battle the most in my life. Insecurity. As a woman, a musician, a writer, a student, an adult, a person who weighs more than 120 lbs... I'm very aware of all of my short comings. But I never want anything ever to take precedent over or even come in as a close second, to the position that the Lord of Hosts, the King of All Days, the Great I Am, holds in my heart and life. And yet that's the very battle that I'm forced to face off with every day.

So tonight when I was again in my living room, again with dimmed lights and playing softly at the piano, I just played. Of course, that same topic spilled out over into my impromptu lyrics. I was so pleased with the direction of what I singing though so I didn't stop... No, I'm not about to post the lyrics. I'm not yet sure I'll ever share them, if I'm honest. But the whole "happening" tonight led me to this scripture:

'So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, “He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.” But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.' —Hebrews 10:35–39

I fully intent to hold to this scripture until my breath fails me. "Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded."... I needed to hear that.

I have a gut feeling there will come a day when you will too... If today's not that day, count your blessings, but go ahead and mark that scripture in your Bible for future reference.

We all fall down. We all loose our strength once in awhile.

Finding Contentment...

So I've always had this theory that less is indeed more. In marketing, it leaves mystery which is a far better draw than overloaded ads. In writing (although I haven't mastered this), it leaves a far clearer picture of your thesis than ramblings of miscellaneous details. In decorating, it leaves a cleaner feeling space than rooms with far too busy or too cluttered schemes. Anyway, you get my point.

In my life I have found this to be true as well. I know that most people are going to make a snap judgement when they hear this next sentence but, it remains true with or without the assumptions. My dad is a physician. He wasn’t always, he actually used to be in ministry when I was a kid. The transition from ministry to medicine was a long road plagued with financial need. You see when my dad was in ministry, we had very little. We were taken care of but we were not spoiled or lavished with gifts or bonuses, none of that. But as soon as my dad stood up in front of the church and announced that he was going to go to medical school, people began to talk about how much money we’d have and how easy we’d have it. I can remember thinking (I was in the second grade, mind you) that this was going to be awesome! We’d have tons of money and get to go on tons of vacations and get to play together and… well bliss really.

And then we moved, and that fall my dad started classes at the Medical College of Georgia. To be honest, I don’t remember seeing him during those years unless we were on vacation or during a holiday. My mom worked endless hours to try to help defray the cost of life with 2 kids and a student-husband, but it wasn’t ever enough. At a time when the world assumed we’d have it made, we experienced great need.

Later when my dad graduated, he took the four of us on a cruise. I felt so privileged and ritzy! But with time, the vacations remained nice, but we were back to not seeing each other save holidays and special trips. No one in the family was happy. My sister and I both went to private colleges to begin with and then, ironically are finishing here at Augusta State. We all wanted things bigger, better, faster, nicer. It got a bit ridiculous. I’m not even confident that past tense is appropriate because in a lot of ways it’s still the on-going battle.

I say all that to say this: We, as Americans, have it made. Even American homeless people, are richer by far than some of the average classed people of the world. Case in point– The Bridge Church (made up of homeless people in downtown Augusta, Georgia, gathering under the Calhoun Expressway Bridge at 15th street) has given offerings enough to plant two churches, one in Africa and one in China.

Once again I feel like I’m rambling, so I’ve found someone else who clarifies my thoughts a bit more. Christian author and speaker, Beth Moore, has this to say about contentment:

‘Christians like me can not say with the Apostle Paul that we “have learned to be content whatever the circumstances” because most of us have been less content with plenty than we were with less. Ironically, excess only increases discontentment. Why? Proverbs 13:12 offers the perfect explanation: “Hope deferred makes the heart sick”. In other words, we set our hopes on the lie that if we could only have this or that, we will be content. If we get it (or him, her, them, or there), we are astonished to realize that it still doesn’t cut it. Our hope that we’d finally be happy inevitably defers, and our hearts are left sick. At least with less, we still have the fantasy. Those with more and more attend one funeral of expectation after another…..Contentment has little to do with what we have or lack. It is a state of mind. One that is far more often learned than suddenly attained, by the way.'

Playing Catch-up to September and October...

In the switch from writing "notes" on facebook, to posting on my "big girl blog", I forgot to maintain my wisdom from the wall routine (for those of you who don't understand what I'm talking about... I usually post all the "instructional verses" from my wall calendar at work, mixed with a little of my own... Needless to say I am behind). SO.. Here we go:

For September:

Remember that everybody has bad days.
Learn to eat with chopsticks.
Support family businesses.
Carefully examine your written work when you are finished.
Have your piano tuned every six months.
Avoid automated teller machines and gas stations at night.
Remember: the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. (*And no, I didn't add this... but this always reminds me of Brad Bowen's Missions Talks)
When you see someone sitting alone on a bench, make it a point to speak to them.

For October:

Don't buy cheap picture frames.
Criticize the behavior, not the person.
Never leave fun to find fun.
Don't buy a cheap motorcycle helmet.
Own a world globe.
Go for long, hand-holding walks with your spouse.
Don't buy a cheap tennis racket.
Never ignore a ringing fire alarm.
Be sure to voice your complements to businesses and employees.
Don't force machinery.
Set personal spending limits on things like shoes, coffee, cell phones, etc.
Don't be misled, some of the most well-dressed people are thrift shoppers.

yes I am...

I'm working on a project with a friend... it's called yes I am and it's her brain/ heart child. She's a mother and wife and church staff member with little time to offer the world as far as trips to foreign lands or even typical state-side social mission projects. So out of a place of needed to fulfill that desire and answer the call of God on the life of EVERY believer (Matt 28: 18-19), she is working to develop a project of her own that can work for the working-believer with too many responsibilities to allow for 15 day missions trips to Africa and India and here and yon. I'm not sure how much exactly I'm allow to spill out directly at this time, but I know that this project needs your prayers. We're working to kind of "introduce" the whole thing at an event either late this fall (meaning Late Nov) or at some point in the winter. As we team together to make social justice for Jesus' namesake possible, let's pray that the hearts of women across the globe will be "moved with compassion" (Matt 9:36-38) and compelled to action. We Americans cannot bear the brunt of Christ's evangelistic call alone. We must inspire others in nations abroad to take up their cross as well and be the light there in the dark streets and dusty villages of their homelands.

Raising up, and supporting, local mission leaders that the unreached can relate to, may be the only way that foreigners can see Christ's image... Someone that looks like them, speaks their language, trades in their own market... It can be a powerful image.

I say all that to say, Please pray. The harvest is ripe but the laborers are few. Let's be dealers in hope even if our only resource is prayer. That is resource enough for God!

Empty Our Chests

--I wrote this song earlier this year when things were a little rough. I think I needed to just put into words the determination I knew I had to find. This is the best I could do.--

Sleepwalking while fighting with fists and heels,

We’ve been warring with eyes closed and hope tied down.

But this is the end-of-the-day dream.

We are awake, now alive.

So we empty our chests,

Of everything left.

We scream all our breath.

Scream all our breath.

We give nothing less,

Than everything left.

We scream all our breath.

Scream all our breath.

Small advances but what happened to running this race?

No longer waiting for someone else to change; rearrange.

We’re at the end of a day trip.

We are awake, now alive.

So we empty our chests,

Of everything left.

We scream all our breath.

Scream all our breath.

We give nothing less,

Than everything left.

We scream all our breath.

Scream all our breath.

We are a faithful fighting nation

Of believers that you

Have called together and we will stand.

So we empty our chests,

Of everything left.

We scream all our breath.

Scream all our breath.

We give nothing less,

Than everything left.

We scream all our breath.

Scream all our breath.