"Whatever You see in me..."

I was sitting at the piano in my living room a while back, remembering a "holy moment" from a prayer service that we did at my church, specifically for the youth, some months back. That night of prayer I had been helping to lead worship and in a lull between prayers and scriptures going forth and singing choruses, my hands left the keys and I sang out what my heart was crying to God. "Whatever You see in me, make it clean..." fairly simple words but they flash back into my vocabulary nearly every time I hold an instrument. And that night at the piano at home was no different. No one was home, so it was probably cell night (ha!), and I'd left the lights low and was trying to reconstruct those lines into a formalized song. It just didn't seem to be working out at all... and I felt the Lord say to me, "That was from you to me, not for albums or services... just from you to me." And with very little understanding at the time, I just began to sing out what was in my heart straight up to the Lord. I sang a lot of simple words that night... but one line stands out to me so clearly: "All insecurity must bow at Your feet."

That's probably the one thing I battle the most in my life. Insecurity. As a woman, a musician, a writer, a student, an adult, a person who weighs more than 120 lbs... I'm very aware of all of my short comings. But I never want anything ever to take precedent over or even come in as a close second, to the position that the Lord of Hosts, the King of All Days, the Great I Am, holds in my heart and life. And yet that's the very battle that I'm forced to face off with every day.

So tonight when I was again in my living room, again with dimmed lights and playing softly at the piano, I just played. Of course, that same topic spilled out over into my impromptu lyrics. I was so pleased with the direction of what I singing though so I didn't stop... No, I'm not about to post the lyrics. I'm not yet sure I'll ever share them, if I'm honest. But the whole "happening" tonight led me to this scripture:

'So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in just a very little while, “He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.” But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.' —Hebrews 10:35–39

I fully intent to hold to this scripture until my breath fails me. "Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded."... I needed to hear that.

I have a gut feeling there will come a day when you will too... If today's not that day, count your blessings, but go ahead and mark that scripture in your Bible for future reference.

We all fall down. We all loose our strength once in awhile.