5.19.2010

Favorite.




Seriously...

I had the opportunity (for the second year in a row! yehaw!) to go on a Historic Augusta Downtown Loft tour. This year, it happened to fall on First Friday, which is an excuse for all Augustans (and those nearby) to come out of the wood work and be a real city for a night. There are live bands on nearly every corner of downtown and there are stands set up randomly on the street with all sorts of vendors and wacky crafts and people walking their crazy looking dogs and dancers and fire people... ITS OVERWHELMING but it's definitely my favorite thing about Augusta. ESPECIALLY on nights when the Annual Loft Tour is in-progress.

Anyway, saw some great homes, had some great laughs, shared a few awkward conversations, and sipped some amazing lemonade-iced tea from Casa Blanca.

The breakdown, this band was super fun and YOU SHOULD LOOK FOR THIS EVENT NEXT YEAR!

5.13.2010

Amistad.

The friends that I have, I hold very dear.
I know a lot of people, but please don't misunderstand. I am close to maybe a handful of those beautiful smiling faces. In fact I used to have written criteria (not kidding, how sad is that?) for the qualities I look for in a friend. I'll have to find it and dig it out but I remember one of the requirements was humor. Evidently I can't be friends with anyone that I can't laugh with. I do think this important for all relationships, including the one with yourself, but I tend to take things a bit far.

The googler that I am, I looked up friendship and found that Wikipedia (not the most reliable source so don't quote me) had this to say about "friendship" : Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating the following on a consistent basis:

the tendency to desire what is best for the other
sympathy and empathy
honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one's counterpart
Mutual understanding
Mutual Compassion

Using only that description, I have maybe 10 friends in the world. I shan't name them (that's right I said shan't), because I genuinely don't want to hurt anyone ever. But it makes me realize how silly people can be and how decieving popularity can be. How many people do you know that can advocate honesty, even when they know it's going to hurt you, them, or both? I think I only know 10. Which is NOT bad! I'm surprised I could count that many really... not because I "feel so alone" or "think no one likes me"- Just because I don't think I let many people in. It terrifies me. I think it scares me because I know that I'll never be as good of friend as I want others to be to me, even though, people who know me know that I try really hard. I have a puppy personality really. Annoyingly faithful at times.

Also from Wikipedia: "The conventional wisdom is that good friendships enhance an individual's sense of happiness and overall well-being. But a number of solid studies support the notion that strong social supports improve a woman’s prospects for good health and longevity. Conversely, it has been shown that loneliness and lack of social supports are linked to an increased risk of heart disease, viral infections, and cancer as well as higher mortality rates. Two female researchers have even termed friendship networks a “behavioral vaccine” that protects health and mental health."

We need each other. We have to be ourselves to really connect though. This will free us to further need each other and further be who we were meant to be.

What does scripture say?

A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity. Proverbs 17: 17

He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or harps on a matter separates even close friends. Proverbs 17: 9

Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are lavish and deceitful. Proverbs 27: 6

Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; so does the sweetness of a friend's counsel that comes from the heart. Proverbs 27: 9

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. John 15:12-15

5.11.2010

Commencement

I have walked across the stage at the James Brown Arena, wearing a black cap and gown with a white tassel and a gold medallion. I processed in, and back out, in perfect alignment with my peers participating in the event of "commencement."

What does that even mean? (I googled it... very reliable)

Commencement –noun 1. an act or instance of commencing; beginning: the commencement of hostilities. 2. the ceremony of conferring degrees or granting diplomas at the end of the academic year. 3. the day on which this ceremony takes place.

So this thing that I already participated in, marked both the beginning and the ending.

It is the ending of era for me. The closure to a long and winding road through many many semesters of not only college but formal education in general. I have attending school in one form or another since the fall of 1989. It's been a long road ladies and gentlemen. This means more than the obvious adios to binders and notebook paper and cramming and overcharged greasy lunches. This means no more spelled out formula for what comes next. True, I've mentioned this before... but follow me...

In elementary school, after third grade comes fourth and so on. After middle school comes high school. And after high school, for most, comes college. Once in the college club though, it gets a bit more tricky but you quickly learn that ever August and January there are more classes for you to take, either aimlessly or with a goal in mind, and eventually you find yourself filling up what is infamously known as a "track sheet." As this fills, excitement builds with both you and your advisor. There is an anticipation that builds at the prospect of graduating. And then you actually do...

And then...

An awesome meal later and a few dozen cards chock-full of well wishes... and there is an emptiness and uncertainty. Not to be melodramatic, it is the same emptiness and uncertainty that accompanies all new beginnings. True, I am still battling through the job market. I've dosed out my resume to companies, churches, organizations, and foreign teaching programs and still have no clear plan. Is it the end of the world? No. Is it a bit unnerving? Most definitely.

Summary (for those Choleric or otherwise ADD):
"My dad says that childhood is the happiest time of my life. But, I think he's wrong. I think my mom's right. She says that childhood is what you spend the rest of your life trying to overcome. That's what momma always says. She says that beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will, too..." -Hope Floats (1998)

5.01.2010

the Man in the Mirror

(or woman :)

Type in "Know your worth" into Google. What you get back is a list of Salary Wizard Calculators and Women's Empowerment blurbs. Yikes. Neither of those really resound in me. Clearly I'm not so naive to think that my self-worth is strictly the amount of money I could be making, nor do I think that because I'm a woman, I'm supposed to super-inflate my standards and expectations to an unrealistic level that leaves me disappointed with everything and everyone.

But I personally believe that the concept of knowing your worth as a person and as a child of God (as cliche as that sounds) is directly related to your level of effectiveness in the kingdom. These seem quite unrelated to most people, especially Christians. Anytime I've mentioned anything like that to believers they look back at me with this awestruck expression. I haven't really uncovered anything novel, but maybe I've simplified it and stated it so directly that there's no mistaking the point.

Think for example what you "see" when you look into a mirror for, oh say, five minutes. I know that's kind of a long time to spend just looking at yourself. But what I've realized is that, on days when I'm struggling to see myself as anything more than an overweight screw up with bad skin and awkward fashion sense, I can't look myself in the eyes. But on the days when I can honestly say that I am beautiful and I have great and positive God-things inside that make me dynamic and unique, I can manage through those five minutes of self-eye-gazing.

If we are believers and have such a hard time finding positive qualities (both internal AND external) about ourselves, how in the universe can we expect to have the exciting and dynamic personal ministry that we believe God purposed for us? I say we can't. I sometimes think maybe I can just get by with feeling mediocre about myself. You know that whole "well I'm not a horrible person but I clearly cannot do get anything right!" What is that saying? First of all, it's a lie. No, I'm NOT a horrible person, and No, I cannot get EVERYTHING right. But can I get some things right? Certainly. Let's be realistic.

I believe what it says in 1 Corinthians 3:16, "You realize, don't you, that you are the temple of God, and God himself is present in you? No one will get by with vandalizing God's temple, you can be sure of that. God's temple is sacred—and you, remember, are the temple."

Did you catch that? NO ONE WILL GET BY WITH VANDALIZING GOD's TEMPLE. Not even the guys who are the groundskeepers for the temples (meaning us). No one will get by with it. So why, if we know that scripture says we won't get away with it, do we continue to vandalize our beautiful and ornate temples that God himself built us to be? Should we fix the places in our selves where we've developed character flaws and poor habits? Certainly, that's not vandalization, that's revitalization! Should we be quick to make improvements and additions when necessary, reasonable, and genuinely desired? Again, Certainly! Adding new dimensions to who we are, what we can do or be, and the things we enjoy can augment the temple God built and can be a wonderful element to it's beautification. We cannot, however, pretend to be things we aren't or make excuses for (or deny) our personal flaws both physical and spiritually/personality-wise.

Using any sort of defense mechanism, even if it's semi-honest is validating the lie that what you are or are not, is not good enough. This gives the enemy a foothold to convince you of other lies about who you are and what you're capable of.

Soldiers who were drafted weren't always confident that they could do what was being required of them. Neither were they sure that they even WANTED to do those things, much less to do them well. Those men knew that they weren't selected because someone believed in them and saw a specific purpose in them. They knew that the only reason they were in the military at all was because of a need for body count. They didn't need (insert name here) from Augusta, Georgia who made a 1400 on the SAT and who shot perfectly in their entrance exam, has perfect health/ physical shape, can program computers and wrestle bears into submission. They just needed all the guys who fell sort-of within a given age range. Talk about questioning your placement!

But it says in 1 Peter 2:9-10, "But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God's instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted."
And GOD says, "You didn't choose me, remember; I chose you, and put you in the world to bear fruit, fruit that won't spoil. As fruit bearers, whatever you ask the Father in relation to me, he gives you." John 15:16

That spells it out that God chose each of us for a purpose and dream specific to us individually, but intertwined in to help facilitate God's overall dream! Does THAT not speak value and worth!? I think it does. That's the thing I try to remember on those hard days when looking myself in the eye seems nearly impossible. God created me for a reason. He fashioned me together this way and He had every one of my days planned out before even the first one had passed. He thinks tenderly of me and sees me as great! I can't escape His love and I can't hide from His sight. He loves me. (Psalm 139)

When we can look at ourselves both physically and metaphorically and say confidently: I am loved. I have a purpose specific to me and I can be a huge danger for the enemy!, we not only empower ourselves by our Faith in Christ to be able to do that work that was specifically set before us, but we silently empower others to do the same.

There's a quote that helps remind me of this and I've used it for several people when they don't see the point, or sense the urgency, of becoming who God has outlined for us to be. It's from Akeelah and the Bee and the character is quoting from Marianne Williamson (but is often attributed to Nelson Mandela), but anyway, it says this:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.


Effective believers believe in the power of the Spirit through them. It's not a cocky thing or a self-important kind of thing. It's an understanding that God made us and HE positions us exactly where He wants us so that we can make a great and huge difference in winning souls for the kingdom and even in simply softening hearts to the idea of Christ. But we have to think that we are worth something. I love what it says in Isaiah talking about Jacob and how and why he was chosen,

'But now, God's Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob,
the One who got you started, Israel:
"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.
I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place,
it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That's how much you mean to me!
That's how much I love you!
I'd sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.
So don't be afraid: I'm with you.
I'll round up all your scattered children,
pull them in from east and west.
I'll send orders north and south:
'Send them back.
Return my sons from distant lands,
my daughters from faraway places.
I want them back, every last one who bears my name,
every man, woman, and child
Whom I created for my glory,
yes, personally formed and made each one.'" Isaiah 43: 1-7


If you want to be effective at whatever God has directed you to set your hand to, you have to start thinking of yourself as a holy priesthood, a chosen generation, a redeemed glory. Not that you in yourself are great or can be great, you can't. But that Christ in you can be the difference and can set you up to accomplish gigantic things for His namesake. It starts with looking in the mirror...



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Other verses for those hard days:

"Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing." Ephesians 2:7-10

"So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It's your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it." Colossians 3:12-14

"Every time we think of you, we thank God for you. Day and night you're in our prayers as we call to mind your work of faith, your labor of love, and your patience of hope in following our Master, Jesus Christ, before God our Father. It is clear to us, friends, that God not only loves you very much but also has put his hand on you for something special. When the Message we preached came to you, it wasn't just words. Something happened in you. The Holy Spirit put steel in your convictions." 1 Thessalonians 1:2-5