Cost.

I lead a small group of middle school girls. Can I just say right here, that if you've ever swore middle schoolers can not hear from the Lord or think deeper than the next five minutes, you have it perfectly wrong. See every week, I let them write down anything in the universe that they want to pray about, in a little square notepad. Back in the fall, I let them decorate the box that I bring with me every week that carries my Bible, my attendance notebook, extra pens and the notepad for prayer requests and questions. They had decorated the box (more like a basket really) with ribbons and strings that I'd brought along with me one night. It was quite a hilarious sight! But overtime the torn out slips with prayer requests scratched down onto them were kind of overtaking the basket so I felt the need to purge. Not that I'm throwing these pages away. Not yet... I couldn't bring myself to do that. I just needed to thin out the things that I carry with me every week.

Needless to say, I was in tears within minutes reading those precious little prayer solicitations. These girls know about what happening in the world and in our church. They understand the tensions that occur between believers and those with little to no moral conviction. My darling girls have prayed for everything and everyone they can think of, sometimes making long lists on their pages. But what I think touched me most is when they were honest enough to pray for themselves. "Pray for me at school to do well and meet new and good friends." "My mouth is in severe pain. I got my braces tightened and it doesn't feel good!" "Help my friend and my relationship." "I'm sick and I hate being sick." "Pray that I'll find some Christian friends at school so I won't feel so angry and alone hanging out with people who cuss and hate God and stuff."

My breaking point: "I want to get saved. I want to do good things and become a girl God has called me to be instead of doing things to get attention."

Thank you, Lord for calling me to a place that costs so much! Being a small group leader is hard work and it can be exhausting. But HOW FANTASTIC to have seen so much progress in my girls and such great promise in them!? I love each girl in a very different way and for very different reasons. They are each very strong and each full of grace and beauty ready to offer the world. I think the reason that last request moved me so greatly is that I may have actually inspired them to realize that they matter! Each girl, each name on the page, each set of bright and sparkling eyes, each eager mouth and each nervous hand MATTER. Learning to love others and love God can be easily inspired, but learning to love yourself is a hard task and not easily attainable when you're faced with the challenges of middle school! It's not necessarily something that I did or said, CLEARLY. But I got to be a part of it! How great a reward for what seems somedays like a hefty cost?! The cost is nominal when compared to the joyous treasures returned back.

Serving costs.

And serving pays.