Haunted by an idea...

I once bought a pack of cards which said, "Wisdom is close to the ground." That sentence has haunted me ever since.

Gina, a long-time friend and one of my mentors, told me during a particularly low point, "God tends to make the somethings when there's nothing." Again... haunted.

One of my favorite verses in Bible (Thanks to Haley Lamb!) starts out, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick..." (Psalm 13:12)

I'm noticing a trend here... something about good from the broken and flattened, empty spaces of life.

It's come to the literal end of an era. I have taken my last undergraduate exam, turned in my last research paper, met my professional portfolio requirements, and completed all of my exit interviews. I have finished college.

This... is truly an exhilarating feeling. The seven-year, yes SEVEN, journey has ended well. And as quickly as there is a rush of excitement, there comes just behind it, a sinking feeling. No longer is the next step mapped out for my by course requirements v. availability. No, now it's up to me, and if I choose one job and not the other, or one city and not the other, or even one project and not the other... well it's like Robert Frost said in his over-quoted poem, The Road Not Taken:

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Whatever I choose now has the power to determine, or at least aid in determining the future of my life. Because I care about things like God's will and personal assignments in the Kingdom according to our giftings, I consider this with much weight. I do want to be fulfilled in every way: Relationally, Maternally, Spiritually, Professionally, Artistically, Musically... etc. I am convinced that the key for me to attain such fulfillment is for me to stay in the center of the will of God, which, by the way, is a funny thing.

The more I learn, the less I understand about God and His will. I do know, however, that No.1- God cannot fail (Daniel 4:35), No.2- He withholds no good thing from those that love Him (Psalm 84:11), No.3- There is purpose in the me that He has created (Psalm 139:16), and No.4- His request of me is clear and simple (Micah 6:8). That's it... that's all I know. So as I figure out how to work my huge success of completing my degree into the handful of things I know for certain, please keep me in prayer. There are endless possibilities and infinite combinations of cities and projects that may gain my labor. All I need now is wisdom to know which to choose, and which to leave undisturbed.

----

“Awake, my soul! Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn. I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies” (Psalm 57:8-10).

“O God, you are my God, earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. I have seen you in the sanctuary and beheld your power and your glory. Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands. My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; with singing lips my mouth will praise you. On my bed I remember you; I think of you through the watches of the night. Because you are my help, I sing in the shadow of your wings. My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me” (Psalm 63:1-8).

“‘My food,’ said Jesus, ‘is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work’” (John 4:34).